Long time no chat, y’all. I know Substack is the place to do these things now but, in this case, I happen to be that one walking cliche we all hear about. You know, old dogs, new tricks, blah, blah, blah. I refuse to give in! This blog, this personal journal, this stupid place on the internet… is my baby.

It’s where I first started writing publicly at 18 years old at the encouragement of my college boyfriend. It’s where I realized my gift and passion was in writing and not in math or forensic science or psychology. It’s where, upon that discovery, I quickly changed majors in college and found the most fulfilling education with absolutely zero idea as to how or where I would use a Creative Writing degree in my future.

And to really seal the deal with a butterfly effect moment, my first tech job in San Diego hired me 6 years ago because of this very blog, kickstarting a career I love and may have never found otherwise. This blog changed my life in ways I could not possibly have imagined at the time. But maybe, just maybe, something inside of me knew I didn’t create this silly space of the internet for nothing. I’m just grateful I trusted that nudge to begin with.

In the 12 years since I’ve had this little baby of mine, I have written, deleted, published, deleted again, and drafted many, many, many words. Even now as I log on for the first time in 2 years, I happened upon 41 drafts that never saw the light of day and probably never will. But they sit there to remind me of the several times in my life where putting words to paper (or keyboard?) brought me comfort during the most difficult times of my life.

It’s really beautiful to be able to look back on one’s own present self in the making like that. To see writings from years ago where I poured my heart out, reflected, spit and spewed words just so I could get it out of my system and place it safely somewhere else. Before writing this, I read through some of those unpublished drafts and the words feel… so familiar? Like being transported back to the moment I wrote it. And yet, at the same time, those feelings I put into words also seem so very far behind me, as if I really did release it the moment I finished writing it. I read through quite a few and see how much I have changed, mostly for the better… and I also see how I am still very much the same.

So considering all of that and alongside my resistance to hop on the Substack train, I am here– once again– doing what I’ve always done: reflecting, pouring my heart out, spitting and spewing words. See? Still very much the same.

I turned 30 years old last week, a huge milestone considering the absolute chaos that was my teens and 20s. The longest roller coaster of my life and covering many different ends of many different spectrums.

Throughout my 20s, I went from being so dirt poor I delayed paying my bills up until the very point my electricity might be shut off to now being able to live alone in a house with a retirement fund, small luxuries, and enough left over to spoil the ones I love so dearly.

I went from being married to very quickly divorced… followed by a couple of failed relationships.

I have gotten to travel all across the U.S. and several countries as well as spend many days and nights simply being a vegetable on my couch.

I had huge career moves to devastating, how-the-hell-am-I-going-to-survive-this job losses.

I lived a very lonely couple of years in beautiful San Diego filled with the yummiest seafood I could ever ask for before begrudgingly moving back home to Tulsa, where I was pleasantly surprised at my deepened gratitude for my hometown and my people.

And that does not even scratch the surface of all I encountered since I started this website.

So, naturally, I’ve learned some things along the way. And I felt like sharing that publicly. Mostly because a good chunk of these insights were ones I learned the hard way and I thought it might be nice to hear some of what I wish I was told instead of finding out myself.

But I also wanted to share these because, in reading my previous writings and in reflecting on all the good, bad, and ugly I’ve experienced or chosen to date, I’m so damn proud of who I am now. That I continued to fight for a present like this. That I believed in it long before I could picture it. To breathe air like this. To see life like this. To feel as fulfilled as I do now.

So, here’s what I’ve got… My 30 Learnings in 30 Years of life. This is not to say I’ve mastered any of these by any means… But they are the ones that stick out to me the most as far as impact. And as I always say, take what you need and leave what you don’t. Only you know what’s best for you:

1. A former mentor of mine once said, “You know who your friends are when there’s a wedding, a funeral, a breakup, a birthday, and when you move.” What I really gained from that is so many of us crave and yearn for a deep community, yet so many of us don’t show up like we should and when we should. It doesn’t mean you have to show up for every waking moment for every single person. But in order to get the community you so deeply desire, you have to show up as that kind of community first. And–this part is important–you have to show up even when you don’t feel like it. Because sometimes, you really won’t feel like it.
2. Money isn’t everything. But it’s not nothing either. The stress of making ends meet can impact every area of your life and then some. Be smart with it. And if you have enough where you can be a little careless sometimes, remember how lucky you are and give back when you can.
3. I still can’t make sense of yoga. Meditating, absolutely. Stretching, amazing. Together? What the actual hell is that?! I spent 10 years giving it a chance. Needless to say, it’s okay to not love what other people love.
4. Laugh as often as possible but especially at yourself. Most things aren’t that serious.
5. It’s not only okay to be cringe, it is necessary. There is no greater freedom than to not give a flying f*ck what people think.
6. As someone who loves to work and might even be a bit addicted to it, the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is that you work to live and not the other way around. It’s what you come home to and who you come home to and the body you have that matters a fucking lot. Never forget to tend to those things first. None of that stuff in your day job matters in comparison.
7. I said this in my last post but it’s worth repeating: sleep is the #1 most important need a human has. Above food, water, and shelter. Not having it will turn you into a literal crazy person. It’s also terrifying. Do your best to get enough of it as much as you can help it.
8. I really think we should stop wearing flip flops unless we are at the pool or the beach.
9. “Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.” — Stella Adler
   • My takeaway: find an art form to create and/or admire to sustain that spirit inside of you. It’s important to stay in touch with your humanness.
10. Do Not Disturb is my favorite feature on my phone. Not everything needs your attention right away.
11. Be open to the idea of many great loves of your life. Platonic or romantic. In fact, the platonic ones might just be the greatest love stories you’ll ever write. Hug your people. Tell them you love them. And if you grow apart or need to step away, send them off with love and hope. Love is inside of you always. While time and energy have thresholds, love does not. Accept it, give it back, leave it at people’s doorsteps. One great love does not exist.
12. Life is full of pleasant surprises if you can get off your high horse.
13. Anger is an important, necessary emotion. The way you choose to express it, however, can potentially blow up your entire life. Avoiding it will hurt you. Vomiting it will hurt others. Feel it, express it where and when it’s appropriate to the best of your ability, and let it go.
14. Be careful with any and all substances. I will never regret taking breaks or abstaining from them. And while participating in some didn’t always result in regrets, there are still some regrets. Note: you also don’t need them to have fun or enjoy social gatherings.
15. Honesty above all else. You can always be honest without necessarily being unkind. But you cannot be kind by being dishonest.
16. You’d be surprised how good it feels to get out of your comfort zone, even if you stumble through it.
17. Find ways to do more active resting. Puzzles, reading, needlework. You’ll feel so much better than watching TV or TikTok every night. Mix it up.
18. You’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea and that has nothing to do with you. Let them feel how they want.
19. Water is the real adult drink. Stay hydrated, folks.
20. Being the eldest sibling and eldest daughter is a surefire way to become a high-functioning performer and perfectionist with sometimes debilitating anxiety and control issues as well as hyper-critical inner thoughts, a complete fear of failure and an impending identity crisis (or two). But when I look at my siblings, who I love more fiercely and profoundly than anyone in my life, I wouldn’t change a single thing. All four of us have our less-than-glamorous habits or beliefs from childhood we are continuously unlearning and deconstructing. But I’ll never stop wanting to protect them and I’ll never not show up for them. I only hope I can make them as proud of me as I am of them.
21. There is nothing I love more than arguing over things that don’t matter. Like, yes, let’s talk nonsense about who we think really killed JFK or which kind of designer brand has the best runway collections for three hours. More silly, nonsensical, inconsequential arguments, please.
22. Don’t write off people who look, believe, act, or think differently than you. Additionally, don’t group a single person’s mistakes or faults and attribute that to a whole. Generalizations and assumptions are almost always misleading and often dangerous. Stay curious.
23. We all should, quite literally, touch more grass.
24. Don’t take the bait with politics and specifically the online discourse around it. I don’t mean ignore what’s going on in the world or abstain from it altogether. Just know that the separation we see in today’s world is not happenstance. And spoiler: the enemies are the ones who benefit from and even instigate our division. We are all more alike than we are different.
25. As a society, in our healthcare, and as individuals, we are all too guilty of treating symptoms instead of problems. The problems never go away when we choose repeated, instant gratification over an intentional treatment of the source.
26. You can only control you. You are the one who has to be able to lay your head down at night and live with your choices. No matter how other people behave, remember that you do in fact have a choice in how you respond to things and you should do your best to make the choices you’re proud of as much and as often as you can. Own it when you don’t. Forgive yourself. Try again. But remember you have more power than you think.
27. Don’t you dare let people put you in a box. Don’t you dare do it to yourself either. We were not made for cages. You have all the space in the world.
28. I think everyone deserves to eat good, fancy food often. Petition to make this a human right.
29. You’ll never regret trusting your gut. I have only ever regretted when I chose to go against it.
30. If you want to know what’s so great about me, look to my friends. They make up the best parts of everything I am. I am rich as hell to have them.

That’s all I’ve got for Year 30. Maybe I’ll have more next year. But you sure as hell won’t read it on Substack.

With love and light,

MT