Long time no chat, y’all. I know Substack is the place to do these things now but, in this case, I happen to be that walking cliche we all know– old dog, new tricks, yada yada. But I refuse to leave this format behind because this blog, this personal journal, this silly corner of the internet… is and always will be my baby.

It’s the place I first started writing publicly at 18 years old at the encouragement of my college boyfriend, to whom I will always be grateful for that extra push.

It’s where I realized my gift and passion was not in education or forensic science or psychology, as I originally thought, but in writing poetry and scripts and short stories and memoirs. Of all things! No one would be more surprised than my AP Lit teacher who once so graciously tutored me in writing for an irrational amount of hours.

To my parent’s dismay, this blog resulted in me switching majors and, later, graduating with a degree in Creative Writing.

Lastly, but most importantly, around 6 years ago I was hired by my very first tech job as a content writer despite my limited experience and they later shared with me that the final decision was only made after they read through this website and through my writings. My silly little hobby became a catalyst for a career I am now so deeply passionate about and may have never found otherwise.

I could never have imagined the kind of impact all of this would have on my life when I first started publishing here. But maybe, just maybe, something inside of me knew I didn’t create this space for nothing. I am really just grateful I trusted that nudge in the first place.

In 12 years, I have written, re-written, deleted, published, deleted again, and drafted many, many, many posts. Even now, as I log on for the first time in almost 2 years, I happened upon a whopping 41 drafts that never saw the light of day and probably never will. But they sit there to remind me of the several times in my life where putting words to paper (or keyboard?) brought me comfort and relief during the most difficult times of my life.

I read through some of those unpublished drafts just before starting this post and, funny enough, those old writings felt so… familiar? It was as if I was being transported back to the very moment I wrote them. And yet, at the same time, those drafts also seem so very far behind me, as if I really did release them the moment I finished writing each one. I could see how much I have changed, and mostly for the better, but I also could see how in many ways I am still very much the same.

Regardless, it’s really beautiful to be able to look back on one’s own current self in the making through these past entries.

So considering all of that and alongside my resistance to hop on the Substack train, I am here– once again– doing what I’ve always done on this site: reflecting, spitting and spewing words, getting it out of my system.

I turned 30 years old last week, a huge milestone considering the absolute chaos that was my teens and 20s. That decade was the longest, craziest, most exhilarating roller coaster of my life.

I went from being so dirt poor I delayed paying my bills up until the very point my electricity might be shut off to now being able to live alone in a house with a retirement fund, small luxuries, and enough left over to spoil the ones I love so dearly.

I went from being married to very quickly divorced… followed by a couple of failed relationships.

I have gotten to travel all across the U.S. and several countries as well as spend many days and nights simply being a vegetable on my couch.

I had huge career moves to devastating, how-the-hell-am-I-going-to-survive-this job losses.

I lived a very lonely couple of years in sunny San Diego filled with the yummiest seafood I could ever ask for before begrudgingly moving back home to Tulsa, where I was pleasantly surprised at my newfound gratitude for this city and its people.

And that does not even scratch the surface.

Naturally, I’ve learned some things along the way. And, as I have in the past, I felt like sharing some of those publicly. Mostly because a good chunk of these insights were ones I, unfortunately, learned the hard way.

But I also because, in reading my previous writings and in reflecting on all the good, bad, and ugly I’ve experienced to date, I’m so damn proud of who I am now. That I continued to fight for a present like this. That I believed in it long before I could picture it. To breathe air like this. To see life like this. To feel as fulfilled as I do now.

So, here’s what I’ve got… My 30 Learnings in 30 Years of life. This is not to say I’ve mastered any of these by any means… But they are the ones that stick out to me the most as far as impact goes. And as I always say, take what you need and leave what you don’t. Only you know what’s best for you:

1. A former mentor of mine once said, “You know who your friends are when there’s a wedding, a funeral, a breakup, a birthday, and when you move.” What I really gained from that is so many of us crave and yearn for a deep community, yet so many of us don’t show up like we should and when we should. It doesn’t mean you have to show up for every waking moment for every single person. But in order to get the community you so deeply desire, you have to show up as that kind of community first. And–this part is important–you have to show up even when you don’t feel like it. Because sometimes, you really won’t feel like it.
2. Money isn’t everything. But it’s not nothing either. The stress of making ends meet can impact every area of your life and then some. Be smart with it. And if you have enough where you can be a little careless sometimes, remember how lucky you are and give back when you can.
3. I still can’t make sense of yoga. Meditating, absolutely. Stretching, amazing. Together? What the actual hell is that?! I spent 10 years giving it a chance. Needless to say, it’s okay to not love what other people love.
4. Laugh as often as possible but especially at yourself. Most things aren’t that serious.
5. It’s not only okay to be cringe, it is necessary. There is no greater freedom than to not give a flying f*ck what people think.
6. As someone who loves to work and might even be a bit addicted to it, the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is that you work to live and not the other way around. It’s what you come home to and who you come home to and the body you have that matters a fucking lot. Never forget to tend to those things first. Your day job does not matter in comparison.
7. I said this in my last post but it’s worth repeating: sleep is the #1 most important need a human has. Above food, water, and shelter. Not having it will turn you into a literal crazy person. It’s also downright scary to go without it. Do your best to get enough of it as much as you can help it.
8. I really think we should stop wearing flip flops unless we are at the pool or the beach.
9. “Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.” — Stella Adler
   • My takeaway: find an art form to create and/or admire to sustain that spirit inside of you. It’s important to stay in touch with your humanness.
10. Do Not Disturb is my favorite feature on my phone. Not everything needs your attention right away.
11. Be open to the idea of many great loves of your life. Platonic or romantic. In fact, the platonic ones might just be the greatest love stories you’ll ever write. Hug your people. Tell them you love them. And if you grow apart or need to step away, send them off with love and hope. Love is inside of you always. While time and energy have thresholds, love does not. Accept it, give it back, leave it at people’s doorsteps. You do not have to have one single great love story.
12. Life is full of pleasant surprises if you can get off your high horse and remain open to it.
13. Anger is an important, necessary emotion. The way you choose to express it, however, can blow up your entire life. Avoiding it will hurt you. Vomiting it will hurt others. Feel it, express it where and when it’s appropriate to the best of your ability, then let it go.
14. Be careful with any and all substances. I will never regret taking breaks or abstaining from them. And while participating in them didn’t always result in regrets, you are opening yourself up to possible regrets. Note: you also don’t need them to have fun or enjoy social gatherings.
15. Honesty above all else. You can be honest without being unkind. But you cannot be kind by being dishonest.
16. You’d be surprised how good it feels to get out of your comfort zone, even if you stumble through it.
17. Find ways to do more active resting. Puzzles, reading, needlework. You’ll feel so much better than watching TV or TikTok every night. Mix it up.
18. You’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea and that has nothing to do with you. Let them feel how they want.
19. Water is the real adult drink. Stay hydrated, folks.
20. Being the eldest sibling and eldest daughter is a surefire way to become a high-functioning performer and perfectionist with sometimes debilitating anxiety and control issues as well as hyper-critical inner thoughts, a complete fear of failure and an impending identity crisis (or two). But when I look at my siblings, who I love more fiercely and profoundly than anyone in my life, I wouldn’t change a single thing. All four of us have our less-than-glamorous habits or beliefs from childhood we are continuously unlearning and deconstructing. But I’ll never stop wanting to protect them and I’ll never not show up for them. I only hope I can make them as proud of me as I am of them.
21. There is nothing I love more than arguing over things that don’t matter. Like, yes, let’s talk nonsense about who we think really killed JFK or debate for three hours over which fashion designer has the best runway collections. More silly, nonsensical, inconsequential arguments, please.
22. Don’t write off people who look, believe, act, or think differently than you. Additionally, don’t group a single person’s mistakes or faults and attribute that to a whole. Generalizations and assumptions are likely misleading and often dangerous. Stay curious.
23. We all should, quite literally, touch more grass.
24. Don’t take the bait with politics, specifically the online discourse around it. I do not mean ignore what’s going on in the world or abstain from it altogether. Just know that the separation we see in today’s world is not happenstance. And spoiler: the enemies are the ones who benefit from and even instigate our division. We are all more alike than we are different. Remember that.
25. As a society, in our healthcare, and as individuals, we are all too guilty of treating symptoms instead of problems. The problems never go away when we choose repeated, instant gratification over an intentional treatment of the source.
26. You can only control you. You are the one who has to be able to lay your head down at night and live with your choices. No matter how other people behave, remember that you do in fact have a choice in how you respond to things and you should do your best to make the choices you’re proud of as much and as often as you can. Own it when you don’t. Forgive yourself. Try again. But remember you have more power than you think.
27. Don’t you dare let people put you in a box. Don’t you dare do it to yourself either. We were not made for cages. You have all the space in the world. Run free. Run wild.
28. I think everyone deserves to eat good, fancy food often. Petition to make this a human right.
29. You’ll never regret trusting your gut. I have only ever regretted when I chose to silence it.
30. If you want to know what’s so great about me, look to my friends. They make up the best parts of everything I am. I am rich as hell to have them.

That’s all I’ve got for Year 30. Maybe I’ll have more next year. But you sure as hell won’t read it on Substack.

With love and light,

MT